There is this woman whom I have been connecting with.  Even though I was not feeling like there was a need for a Ostomy friend, there is. It has been very comforting to talk with someone else whom has gone through the same things as me.

Over the years I have become more comfortable with my bag and all of its noises, yet when you are with your Ostomy friends and theirs starts to make noises it feels like a weight has been lifted, you are not alone, its almost funny.

When we are with our friends they catch us when we criticize ourselves. They remind us to be patient with our selves.  I find listening to their stories help me look at my stories in a new light, often having a more intense concern for them, than I did for my self in the same situation.

Ok we can do it alone, but why? There are many great people out there who we can share our friendship with. Whether you connect on line or in the real world, reach out to some one, it makes the journey way more fun.

 Love love sheri

This is usually one of the first stages of disease.  For me this was most of my teen years. Being in pain all the time, having to limit my social activities, I was the victim. In the poor me stage we feel like no one understands what we are going through. It is hard to have compassion for others as we are in pain and only see the world from our perspective. When one is going through the poor me stage it is hard to connect with others.

This is just a stage! Every event in our life changes the next moment for ever, you can not know this effect you just have to trust that it is for the better of everyone.

 Your life has great plans for you; this may be the gift that transforms your perspective on the world. Your job is to take what life gives you and turn it into something great.

There is no need for blame of your self or any one else.  These destructive thoughts only add stress on our bodies and disease, creating a spiral down.  We all have challenges in life, everyone does. Some have health challenges others have relationship, or career or financial challenges.

First we need to accept this stage and see it for what it is. We can not deny our feelings but look at our selves clearly. Realize that we may be bitter about our past; be bitter towards others which just mirror back to us.

Today is a new day. You decide how to look at it, let it go and jump forward. Find some one online who needs some support and make your self find the words to encourage them. You may think it is the time for you to get the support, but first give it to someone else, then go find someone to share support back to you.

Now that I have come out the other side of this stage, I am grateful for what I have gone through. Until we have gone through our own experience, we are unable to understand enough to help another through theirs.

Sheri

www.ostomy-medical-supplies.com

Making lots of new friends it was kinda of a good experience; one of my sisters lived in Montreal and would come and visit me. The rest of my family live in British Columbia, the other side of Canada.  After spending Christmas there is hospital, thank goodness it was a Jewish hospital and there was no reference to Christmas we decided to transfer me to Victoria BC where I would be able to have family visit since this may be a long haul. 

I went from a whole wing of people like me to a small hospital with only one other patient like me. Missed the people but at lease here the beds were rotating and not so depressing. Plus better older Dr. they had been around a while and came with a bedside manner.  Refreshing from the Dr on training in TO, they would come in, in student packs of 5-6 student poking and prodding you.

My new Dr had a different approach; he lowered all my steroid doses, which made me feel the pain I was going through, which made it easier to consent to surgery. The down side was that now with all the pain I started pain medication and started to like it.

The night before my surgery the nurse came in to help me decide where to have my stoma placed.  Place my stoma how crazy was that, we were to pick the spot on my stomach in which I would be using to go to the bathroom for the rest of my life.  Even though this was one of the scariest and upsetting decisions, I was at least aware of what was to come.  I have since learned that many are admitted to hospital only to awake in the morning with a bag on them no preparation or decision at all.

I was given a something to sleep as I had a big day ahead of me.

Sheri

One night in bed I insisted on being left alone I had an out of body experience and realized that I was going to die. I was in bed yet my spirit had sunk below the bed through the floor of the house and was looking up towards my body. The realization of death took over and I decided that I was not going to let this disease take my life. A flush of energy took over my body and even though I was still sick I knew I was going to be ok.

Booking into an alternative bowel treatment center, I tried many treatments. That clinic was just learning about oxygen therapy, which I did along with colonics, wheat grass juice and many other treatments. Having never taken any steroids or medication for my crohns I had done these kinds of treatment off and on for years. This time it was different, no response and I was deteriorating.

It was time for something drastic. Being still scared about the thought of surgery realistically this was the only option left. I had lost all control over my bowels and vomited anything by mouth.

Being in Toronto, Mount Sinai hospital was the best for bowel problems. At 82lbs, having lost most of my vision due to dehydration, not being able to stand I consented to going to the hospital. When we got there my hemoglobin was so low from bleeding that they could not understand why I had not died. The oxygen therapy and my decision of not dieing earlier was what was keeping me alive.

Once in the hospital, on some steroids, and TPN, my mind started to come back. Becoming aware of my surrounding again it was quite an experience for me to. Having only been in a hospital once or twice in my life for a quick visit, I was in shock. Mount Sinai hospital has a whole wing dedicated to bowel surgery, the biggest in Canada. The saddest place I had ever been.

Most hospital stays for people are a few days maybe a week, well not here, a few months maybe a year, and the average age was under 30. Most of you with an Ostomy know what I am talking about. The despair that one gets when they are admitted to hospital with no idea of when they will be able to go home, and it looks like it will be months. I was defiantly not staying; I would be out of here next week.

Well the weeks turned into months, and I did not get to go home but at least I was being transferred to a hospital closer to my family.

Love Love Sheri
http://www.ostomy-medical-supplies.com/

I thought that I was controlling the disease.

Up until my surgery at 23, I had in my mind the thoughts that I was doing well controlling my crohns with diet and prayer. Really what was going on was that I had basically stopped eating anything. This did control the symptoms of crohns but what was really going on was I was becoming anorexic. I did not even see this coming as my idea of what Anorexic is, was all based around concerns about being fat or a bad physical self image.

In my mind cutting back on what I let my self eat was not an eating disorder; I was just in control my disease. As the crohns got worse I pretty much had cut everything out of my diet. Watermelon was the only thing I could eat with no problem.

Still thinking I was in control, my mind accepted the times I would purge as just another part of controlling my disease. Not until a friend of mine called me on it did I start to think purging was an issue, and I worked towards stopping that part.

Not purging after I ate left me feeling guiltily and bad about my self. Out of necessity I still continued to limit what I did eat. In reality this could only last a few years.

Guilt, self abuse and the fact that I did have crohns disease finally caught up with me. I remember it was the day after Halloween a Saturday that I started to get sick. I called my work on the Monday and said that I would not be able to make it in that week. By Wednesday I called back and said that I did not think I would be able to make it back. The realization that I had lost control was starting to hit me.

S.

http://www.ostomy-medical-supplies.com/