Making lots of new friends it was kinda of a good experience; one of my sisters lived in Montreal and would come and visit me. The rest of my family live in British Columbia, the other side of Canada.  After spending Christmas there is hospital, thank goodness it was a Jewish hospital and there was no reference to Christmas we decided to transfer me to Victoria BC where I would be able to have family visit since this may be a long haul. 

I went from a whole wing of people like me to a small hospital with only one other patient like me. Missed the people but at lease here the beds were rotating and not so depressing. Plus better older Dr. they had been around a while and came with a bedside manner.  Refreshing from the Dr on training in TO, they would come in, in student packs of 5-6 student poking and prodding you.

My new Dr had a different approach; he lowered all my steroid doses, which made me feel the pain I was going through, which made it easier to consent to surgery. The down side was that now with all the pain I started pain medication and started to like it.

The night before my surgery the nurse came in to help me decide where to have my stoma placed.  Place my stoma how crazy was that, we were to pick the spot on my stomach in which I would be using to go to the bathroom for the rest of my life.  Even though this was one of the scariest and upsetting decisions, I was at least aware of what was to come.  I have since learned that many are admitted to hospital only to awake in the morning with a bag on them no preparation or decision at all.

I was given a something to sleep as I had a big day ahead of me.

Sheri

One night in bed I insisted on being left alone I had an out of body experience and realized that I was going to die. I was in bed yet my spirit had sunk below the bed through the floor of the house and was looking up towards my body. The realization of death took over and I decided that I was not going to let this disease take my life. A flush of energy took over my body and even though I was still sick I knew I was going to be ok.

Booking into an alternative bowel treatment center, I tried many treatments. That clinic was just learning about oxygen therapy, which I did along with colonics, wheat grass juice and many other treatments. Having never taken any steroids or medication for my crohns I had done these kinds of treatment off and on for years. This time it was different, no response and I was deteriorating.

It was time for something drastic. Being still scared about the thought of surgery realistically this was the only option left. I had lost all control over my bowels and vomited anything by mouth.

Being in Toronto, Mount Sinai hospital was the best for bowel problems. At 82lbs, having lost most of my vision due to dehydration, not being able to stand I consented to going to the hospital. When we got there my hemoglobin was so low from bleeding that they could not understand why I had not died. The oxygen therapy and my decision of not dieing earlier was what was keeping me alive.

Once in the hospital, on some steroids, and TPN, my mind started to come back. Becoming aware of my surrounding again it was quite an experience for me to. Having only been in a hospital once or twice in my life for a quick visit, I was in shock. Mount Sinai hospital has a whole wing dedicated to bowel surgery, the biggest in Canada. The saddest place I had ever been.

Most hospital stays for people are a few days maybe a week, well not here, a few months maybe a year, and the average age was under 30. Most of you with an Ostomy know what I am talking about. The despair that one gets when they are admitted to hospital with no idea of when they will be able to go home, and it looks like it will be months. I was defiantly not staying; I would be out of here next week.

Well the weeks turned into months, and I did not get to go home but at least I was being transferred to a hospital closer to my family.

Love Love Sheri
http://www.ostomy-medical-supplies.com/

I thought that I was controlling the disease.

Up until my surgery at 23, I had in my mind the thoughts that I was doing well controlling my crohns with diet and prayer. Really what was going on was that I had basically stopped eating anything. This did control the symptoms of crohns but what was really going on was I was becoming anorexic. I did not even see this coming as my idea of what Anorexic is, was all based around concerns about being fat or a bad physical self image.

In my mind cutting back on what I let my self eat was not an eating disorder; I was just in control my disease. As the crohns got worse I pretty much had cut everything out of my diet. Watermelon was the only thing I could eat with no problem.

Still thinking I was in control, my mind accepted the times I would purge as just another part of controlling my disease. Not until a friend of mine called me on it did I start to think purging was an issue, and I worked towards stopping that part.

Not purging after I ate left me feeling guiltily and bad about my self. Out of necessity I still continued to limit what I did eat. In reality this could only last a few years.

Guilt, self abuse and the fact that I did have crohns disease finally caught up with me. I remember it was the day after Halloween a Saturday that I started to get sick. I called my work on the Monday and said that I would not be able to make it in that week. By Wednesday I called back and said that I did not think I would be able to make it back. The realization that I had lost control was starting to hit me.

S.

http://www.ostomy-medical-supplies.com/

Last night I went to my local Calgary chapter United Ostomy meeting. It was really great.

What was so cool last night was that ConvaTec had samples of thier, Moldable Skin Barrier. This is so great because you custom roll back the opening right before you use it. This way your fit is snug, minimizing the risk of effluent coming in contact with skin, which we all know reduces the burning and irritation. It expands and contracts along with the stoma to help maintain a gapless fit.

There were sample for us to try, it was so easy. Now the need to sit down with the scissors and cut all the bags for the month predicting what size I will be needed is gone. Plus traveling without the concern of forgetting your scissors in your carry on Ostomy supply bag will be gone.

It was really great to see quite a few new comers out. I spoke with one gentle man who had just come through Prostrate Cancer, and ended up with a Urostomy. This was only a few months ago and he seemed to be doing really well with it. It’s good to meet people who are new to this to remind us older ostomates how far we have come.

Being a good sport about it all, I could still feel the pain of what he is going through. Interesting how we can really feel the pain of another, have pushed it back for our self’s.

Just glad to be a part of a such a loving and supportive group.

Love Love Sheri

http://www.ostomy-medical-supplies.com/

It’s amazing how comfortable I am now with my life with an Ostomy. I have come along way. Being 23 when I became severely ill and needing to go to hospital, the thought of an Ostomy scared me so much that by the time I would let my self go, I was almost dead. So scared of having an Ostomy I did not know how I could ever go through life like that.

Another part of my problem too was that I felt that going through with this kind of surgery would make me a failure. Reading Louse Hay and all that self help stuff, I thought that what they were teaching was that if you can not heal your self, then you are a failure. This misunderstanding added to my illness with the burden of judgment on my self and others which in no way is beneficial to any one dealing with disease.

Now that I am older I have found that there is a fine line in this teaching around this and there are a lot of people confused. For me, I found that love and acceptance of one self is really the Journey. When I meet people who still are at the other point of the understanding and have this kind of judgment for themselves and others, I know in my heart that they have not pulled through in their understanding of a Journey, since this is where I started it is easy to accept them.

To all of you at the beginning of this Journey, remember it is actually quite an interesting one. One day you will be amazed how comfortable you are with it all, maybe even thankful that you were given this to become the person you are today. I am.

S.

http://www.ostomy-medical-supplies.com/