I thought that I was con­trol­ling Crohns Disease.

Up until my surgery at 23, I thought that I was doing well con­trol­ling my Crohn’s with diet and prayer. This did con­trol the symp­toms of Crohn’s. But, what was really going on was that I had basi­cally stopped eat­ing any­thing. I became anorexic. I did not even see this com­ing because my idea of what Anorexia is was all based around con­cerns about being fat, or hav­ing a bad phys­i­cal self-image.

To my mind, cut­ting back on what I let myself eat was not an eat­ing dis­or­der; I was just in con­trol of my dis­ease. As the Crohns got worse, I pretty much cut every­thing out of my diet. Water­melon was the only thing I could eat with no problem.

Still think­ing I was in con­trol, my mind accepted the times I would purge as just another part of con­trol­ling my dis­ease. Not until a friend called me on it did I start to think purg­ing was an issue, and I worked towards stop­ping that part.

Not purg­ing after I ate left me feel­ing guilty and bad about myself. Out of neces­sity, I still con­tin­ued to limit what I did eat. In real­ity, this could only last a few years.

Guilt, self-abuse, and the fact that I did have Crohns Dis­ease finally caught up with me. I remem­ber it was the day after Hal­loween, a Sat­ur­day, that I started to get really sick. I called my work on the Mon­day and said that I would not be able to make it in that week. By Wednes­day, I called back and said that I did not think I would be able to make it back at all. The real­iza­tion that I had lost con­trol was start­ing to hit me.

S.
[Editor’s note: Sheri’s writ­ings are spread out over time so they’re not strictly a follow-on from the pre­vi­ous writ­ing. I’m sure you will find them most inter­est­ing and, hope­fully, find her expe­ri­ences and pos­i­tive mes­sages help­ful. Below are links to Sheri’s per­sonal jour­ney expe­ri­ence writ­ings and thoughts. You can also access these links from the side menu, or the “About Me” menu on the top-right of the page. ]

• About Me — My “Pull Through” Jour­ney — Introductions
• [Cur­rent Page] Con­trol­ling Crohn’s Dis­ease? Anorexia worked! Until it didn’t.
• Accept­ing the Hos­pi­tal ~ No other choice left.
• Trans­fer­ring Closer to Home
• Yes­ter­day I Cried ~ With an agenda.
• It’s OK to Cry
• My Pre­scrip­tion Drug Addic­tion — Good or Bad?
• Leav­ing the Poor Me Stage
• My Jour­ney of Pulling Through — Final Thoughts